Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Love in Disarray


Several nights ago, I was made to take a reluctant stroll down memory lane upon receiving this text message from a friend - He’s with her tonight. Never thought it would hurt this much. Picturing my dear friend’s face crumpling into tears at the thought of her loved one in the ultimate act of betrayal, my mind instantly wandered to once upon a time, when I was entangled in something similar.

When you initially find yourself in a messy love triangle, you will yourself to remain strong, anticipating the brewing storm ahead. You fake happiness to others by pretending you still have him captivated under your spell. You embrace your memories ever so closely, hoping they won’t be your last and struggle to keep your emotions intact, fearing he’d notice and resent your vulnerability.

As days turn into weeks and weeks into months, you slowly start to lose resolve. It gets harder to maintain a strong fa├žade. Each time you see him sending an “innocent” text message to her, your heart breaks. When you catch him smiling and whispering into his cell phone, your heart shatters into a million more pieces. A moment he stays away is an eternity of excruciation.

And yet, you persevere; desperately clinging to any hope of rekindling an inevitably dying romance. You refuse to allow that one constant leave your already topsy-turvy life so you continue to be a willing player in this torrid love affair, simply because it’s better to play than to be benched.

Despite your brave front, you’re slowly disintegrating inside. You despise yourself for compromising your principles to his notion of perfection. You've become a distant silhouette of your former self; changing into the person he so desired. Just when you’re about to lose your identity completely, you realize that he too has metamorphosed into a complete stranger that in no way resembles the guy you initially fell for.

And so you leave, walking out with what little strength and pride remaining within. You take consolation in acknowledging that love isn’t what you seek if it means having to be his second choice. You realize that once love turns into anger and hate rears its ugly head, the only way out of your insanity is to walk away and let him go. You recognize that dreams don’t always come true, no matter how badly you want them to but most of all you now understand that true love, whatever his standards, was never meant to be that hard.


53 comments:

Zubli Zainordin April 29, 2007 1:42 AM

I am a believer of SoulMate.

When the point of marriage is to happen, each of us given by the God, a few. Out of those, it is the "me" to choose, and the God, give "this movie" based on that choice. This couple either live in flow, cycle, or synchronicity, or a combination of all.

The formula my dear, "marry the one you love and love the one you marry".

I began to understand all these, after watching "Dil To Pagal Hai".

Spend moments watching it.

In Total Happiness

Mariuca April 29, 2007 3:02 AM

Hi Zubli, nice to see you here :) and nice to know you're a soulmate believer. So, what if the one u want to marry is the one you love, but he/she is not so in love with you anymore? Do you continue to fight for love or resign to a life without?

Nick Phillips April 30, 2007 3:33 PM

hmmm, gud question but when you find that soul mate, you'd know it deep down inside. Both of you would know that you were meant for each other. It's something that cannot be put into words. It's something magical. Trust me, I have found my soul mate, the one person who can finish the very sentence that I was about to say, the one person who can read my face like an open book, the one person whom I cud never live without and I'd walk thru the gates of hell and back not to lose her! So I would say, continue to fight:)

Strategic Niche Articles Resources For Your Internet Marketing Business April 30, 2007 10:54 PM

Hi Mariuca,

Sometimes you have to sacrifice in order to earn more from your life.

The ending of one's story, is the beginning of another story. You should continue be yourself and look for the new life.

Yes, if it's time that you need to fight, you will fight for it. After that, you won't regret of what you did.

I have no such experience in this kind of situation. I can't give much advice but frankly, no matter how, this world will continues to spin!

Just my idea.

Regards,
Calvin Chin

Mariuca May 01, 2007 2:26 PM

Hi Nick, I too believe in soulmates and am happy to say that I've already found mine. Nonetheless, you still need to work on your relationship every day to make keep the magic alive and the love stronger.

Hope ur comment would shed some light on my friend's predicament somewhat. Enjoying ur break? :)

Mariuca May 01, 2007 2:29 PM

Hey Calvin, thanks for ur comment. I think that's what my friend has been doing - making sacrifices that don't seem to make much of a difference in their relationship though. Guess it's just a matter of wanting to hold on or letting go. After all, there's just so much a person can take. :)

Nick Phillips May 02, 2007 8:44 AM

You bet I'm enjoying my break:) Communication is the key to a great relationship. Works for me:)

Mariuca May 02, 2007 9:28 PM

Hey Nick, of course - communication is a key factor as well. Glad to hear you enjoyed ur break, too bad it's back to work tomorrow! :)

Mike May 08, 2007 5:50 PM

Wow, you took such a sad topic and wrote about it so beautifully.

You could have easily just been writing about a friend of mine whose marriage fell apart recently after ten years, when her husband (my best friend) found himself a girlfriend and walked out on her and their children.

She'd write me emails every day about how he was out with this other woman, etc. It was a tough spot for me to be in, but ultimately I supported her, because I had no respect for what my best friend was doing to her.

Unfortunately I don't have any real groundbreaking advice for your friend other than to be strong and realize that even though it hurts a lot right now, with time her heart will mend. Don't hold onto someone that's not worth hanging on to.

=)

Mariuca May 08, 2007 7:42 PM

Hey Mike! Thanks for ur comment :)

It's good that u were there for your best friend's wife (ex) when she needed a friend, am sure she appreciated you lending an ear to her misery then.

I guess your best friend had his own reasons for ending the marriage. Noone really knows what goes on in a relationship unless it's his/her own!

As hard as it may seem now, letting go is probably the best thing my friend can do for herself and I really hope she'll make it through this tough phase in her life!

Mike May 09, 2007 12:31 AM

The funny thing about my best friend is that he was always paranoid that his wife was cheating on him. Ironic how that turned out.

I don't even speak to him anymore. Maybe I will eventually, but I don't have respect for any guy that walks out on his family, best friend or not.

I agree your friend just needs to let go. Of course that's easier said than done :)

Mariuca May 09, 2007 1:40 AM

Hey yeah, that is ironic! Poor Mikey, I mean about having to break ties with your best friend, but I would've done the same thing too.

We'll see how it goes with my friend. Am just glad that I don't have to go through these single-life heartaches anymore :)

Bobby Revell May 11, 2007 6:00 PM

I am touched by the elegance of your writing. You encompass honesty and goodness. It comes through and made me think about my life and past heartache. All the little things that may at times remind us about someone.
I loved a woman once, she was my dream. I thought every thing was ok, until she just moved in with someone else. No apologies, no remorse. How was I to know she didn't love me?
About a year ago, I picked myself up from my depression and started writing and living. I decided I WILL find the right person and I'm not afraid any more. Wow, I'm spilling my heart to you. I hope you don't mind. Your writings are now some of my favorite of all. Thanks.
your dedicated fan, Bobby

Mariuca May 12, 2007 9:04 AM

Hi Bobby, thanks so much for your comment :) :) You certainly made my day!

I'm sorry though if what I wrote triggered some bad memories and I'm even more sorry to hear about what you went through! Love really sucks sometimes doesn't it? At the very least, you definitely deserve an apology from your ex or a mere explanation will do, right?

I hope you managed to get some form of closure from your previous broken dream :( Without that, you'll always be wondering what went wrong with no clear answers to help you move on.

I also hope your experience won't discourage you from continuing the search for your soulmate. She's out there somewhere Bobby, so don't despair and keep on smiling :) :)

Bobby Revell May 15, 2007 3:19 AM

Before reading this I wasn't expecting to at all feel this way. I fell into your writing and was lost in it. I didn't know you at all. Then, feeling as if I were talking with someone to whom surely I was close; continued on as I naturally would.

I am not easily captivated by someones short narratives on their personal lives, but yours was heartfelt and beautiful.

I do feel like I already know you somehow. Here's that word again:
Your writing "feels" MAGICAL. . .

Mariuca May 15, 2007 12:24 PM

Wow, I'm extremely flattered that you think my writing feels magical. That is possibly the biggest compliment I've ever received :) :) :)

Receiving good feedback nurtures the writer's soul, but receiving one from an established writer like yourself, makes it 10 x more magical, thank you!

huZmid June 09, 2007 11:32 AM

I concur with bobby revell, the piece that you wrote was heartfelt and beautiful.

Mariuca June 09, 2007 12:16 PM

Thank you huzmid, your comment made my weekend :)

Jane Chin June 24, 2007 12:03 AM

This is lovely, Mariuca, thank you for sharing.

Mariuca June 24, 2007 12:51 AM

Hi Jane, thanks for visiting my blog! Am happy that you liked it, this is actually one of my favourite posts :)

The Bimbo October 12, 2007 7:27 PM

Tears came when I read that post... I rem how my bestie was caught in that situation... the dilemmas.. how I watched her go up and go down... asking me questions when she knew the answers... Sigh.

Thank you for sharing.

Mariuca October 15, 2007 2:37 AM

Hi Bobo! Sorry I made u cry LOL! I'm actually very fond of this post and I'm so glad u enjoyed it, thanks for reading! :):):)

Sushi September 14, 2008 1:14 AM

Woooooof Marzie,I'm so touched... WOW, why don't you write a book on this topic? Women will love it:)

Mariuca September 15, 2008 6:54 AM

MEOW!!! Sushi, I love you for reading this post! This was a very meaningful one for me. I wrote it with a friend in mind and it was also the first post of mine to be featured at another blog, so YAY! Thank you so much for ur encouraging words here, I am truly flattered. *Hugs* :):):)

Emila Yusof September 27, 2008 10:45 PM

one of my fave post too!

Mariuca September 27, 2008 10:46 PM

Yay, thank you Emila! This is one of my fave posts too! *Hugs*

LadyJava September 28, 2008 5:21 AM

GP!! Can't believe I didn't comment here.. ok here goes..

To me.. denial is the worst kind of living.. what is the point of living a lie.. and like you say.. it is never meant to be so hard.. sometimes the best thing to do is walk away.. and let love go..easier said then done... yes .. but better to do so than life a lie..

LadyJava October 04, 2008 2:15 PM

smile at emila.....

LadyJava October 18, 2008 12:30 AM

*smile* with Emila..

Mariuca October 18, 2008 12:35 AM

LOL!!! Ok first I have to ROFL first seeing Emila smiling alone here and then followed by LJ ha ha ha! You ladies are so kelakar tonight, hugsy! :):):)

LadyJava October 18, 2008 12:37 AM

cian pulak tengok si Emila smiling alone.. so I smiled along!! lolzz

Mariuca October 18, 2008 12:38 AM

LJ, thanks for ur comment sweetie. It's always easier said than done, I'm sure you've been there too. The heart wants what it wants, but eventually it will see love for what it really is, and then it will either linger on and continue to cry or walk away, still crying but at least free from the pain. Thank you for commenting on one of my favourite posts LJ! :):):)

Mariuca October 18, 2008 12:39 AM

Ha ha tu la, I was laughing by myself when I saw Emila's comment here..smiling alone it seems! :):):)

phatelara October 18, 2008 1:02 AM

Lol!! Jumpa jugak! Kenapa senyum sorg tu Kak Emila??

LadyJava October 18, 2008 1:04 AM

I love this post too GP and I can't believe I believe I did not comment on it earlier..

LadyJava October 18, 2008 1:05 AM

heheh... Emila senyum sorang2...lol..senyum kambing tu..

Emila Yusof October 21, 2008 4:39 PM

lol lj, thank you for smiling back at me! love ya!

Emila Yusof October 21, 2008 4:39 PM

haha senyum kambing!

Emila Yusof October 21, 2008 4:39 PM

debbie, saya senyum kambing!

Emila Yusof November 04, 2008 2:22 PM

i am a believer soulmate too like zubli.

Mommy Dharlz,  March 07, 2009 2:46 PM

I simply did the legal move... I filed a case against him, Republic Act 9262 otherwise known as the Violence Against Women and Children Act of 2003... we're in the family court now... and I think I will win...

Recent blog post: BEAUTIFUL PICTURES

Mariuca,  March 10, 2009 11:57 AM

Good luck to you Mommy Dharlz! Hugs. :)

jared's mum,  March 30, 2011 6:49 AM

i have to agree with the other commenter saying your writing is magical. it has melancholic, haunting feel into it that hits straight home...love is really a very tangled-up + risky business but we plunge in anyway, hoping, this time it will last, hoping that this one is the one...am an instant convert, following you now...

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