What happens when you discover that you’ve been betrayed by a best friend?
Do you defend her to the source that enlightened you simply because you’re in disbelief she’s capable of doing that to you?
Do you go home feeling restless, ponder on it some more and start doubting the significance of your friendship?
Do you psyche yourself up to confront her, but you don’t because you’re too afraid to face the reality of her betrayal?
Do you try to ascertain the truth of her betrayal whilst secretly hoping that you’re somehow mistaken?
Do you question your role as a friend and wonder if her betrayal was worth the friendship that meant the world to you?
Do you then contemplate on forgiving her yet again despite previous betrayals she had tarnished your friendship with?
And if you do forgive her, would your friendship remain intact, as though not a dent has been made to its already chipped state? Do you then continue being in a farce of a friendship, knowing that everything you’ve shared together is now a heap of yesterday’s memories, tainted with her betrayal?
As I’m struggling to make peace with a betrayal that has been, I’m taking consolation in the warmth and understanding shown by a handful of my genuine friends. These are the friends that I don’t see as often as I’d like to but these are the friends who I trust to remain true to our friendship. When you’ve made one too many slip-ups in life, it’s high time to start rethinking your moves. Now, as I’m trying to close a chapter in my life that once was sweet, the saddest realization is that one of my biggest mistakes was simply to forgive and forget.
Do you defend her to the source that enlightened you simply because you’re in disbelief she’s capable of doing that to you?
Do you go home feeling restless, ponder on it some more and start doubting the significance of your friendship?
Do you psyche yourself up to confront her, but you don’t because you’re too afraid to face the reality of her betrayal?
Do you try to ascertain the truth of her betrayal whilst secretly hoping that you’re somehow mistaken?
Do you question your role as a friend and wonder if her betrayal was worth the friendship that meant the world to you?
Do you then contemplate on forgiving her yet again despite previous betrayals she had tarnished your friendship with?
And if you do forgive her, would your friendship remain intact, as though not a dent has been made to its already chipped state? Do you then continue being in a farce of a friendship, knowing that everything you’ve shared together is now a heap of yesterday’s memories, tainted with her betrayal?
As I’m struggling to make peace with a betrayal that has been, I’m taking consolation in the warmth and understanding shown by a handful of my genuine friends. These are the friends that I don’t see as often as I’d like to but these are the friends who I trust to remain true to our friendship. When you’ve made one too many slip-ups in life, it’s high time to start rethinking your moves. Now, as I’m trying to close a chapter in my life that once was sweet, the saddest realization is that one of my biggest mistakes was simply to forgive and forget.
48 comments:
I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. Friends who betray you are not your real friends. Forgive, but move on. she's not worth it.
Hi Lin,
Thanks for your kind words. Moving on is extremely difficult but it's something I need to do I guess. :)
hi marz bar
considering you have given "this person" many chances/the benefit of doubt before - i say cut her out totally. you know me - will go all out for a friend but once they betray me - that's it.
Hi anonymous,
Thanks for being extremely understanding, as always u never fail to be there when I need you :)
Marzie,
i'm born to like that - u see in late 90's i've learned that i got only 3 friends...yes, they stick to me no matter what. Funny thing is, as life gets better, i met those so called "friends" from time to time...cant help it but i treat them like...friends. But, i dont keep their numbers nor gave them mine. Just say hi and move on. I know in other words i'm a sucker, but that's what i'm all about. I forgive and forget...i dont avoid and i dont run...life's short marzie. Move on and enjoy life...but then again one of yr biggest mistakes was simply to forgive and forget...hey, i bet u'll do it all again...it's not u, it's yr dna...we are only human marzie...
what the hell...what i'm trying to tell u is that we up here will try our best to always be there for u.
Astagaaaa...i need some sleep!
Hey Helmy, better get used to no sleep when u know who arrives!
Anyway, you're probably right about me not following through completely but for now, I'm drawing the line. I deserve that much at least!
Hey Marzie....as Ernest once said "to befriend a friend is always wise, but wisdom slips when there is betrayal....leading to dismay and chaos of the mind". "We cannot control the evil tongues of others; but a good life enables us to disregard them" as Cato once was heard saying. Chao....:)
Hey Halmi,
Ernest was so right! Thanks for your thoughts :)
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Sweetie,
My EX best friend totally used, abused and betrayed me last year after I put up with a lot of nonsense from her since I was 14 ok.
Sorry, at this age, I haven't the time and inclination to "layan" primadonas from hell. Get rid of the baggage and move on. You don't need negative emotion in your life, a REAL friend will stick with you through thick and thin and not bale out or use you either!
Sorry, had to spill! You have other friends, no need to waste your time and energy on bad karma.
Hi Anonymous, thanks for ur "pep talk"! Am moving on, don worry, slowly but surely :)
Sorry to hear about ur friend, some ppl are just ungrateful! Take care.
The worst pain is that inflicted by a friend.
Hi dwacon, so true! :(
Thanks for the comment.
Thanks Mariuca... Yes i agree its so true they defiantly can be your worst enemy that's right, but if the friendship is real and true then your best friend wont betray you there should not be any hate or jealousy between true friends if that happened I'll hope that one day that best friend will realise what he or she did is wrong, friends can make mistakes but are we ready to forgive if they come back to us and ask forgiven? Will i always believe in true friendship that will last for ever
Thanks for your thoughts Wael, appreciate it :) Trust me, I'm such a forgiving person but as the saying goes, once beaten twice shy. And what happens when this is already the third betrayal, with no signs of even ackowledging my hurt feelings for the previous two?
PS. I hope you do find your long lost friend though! :)
Hi Marzie, If she was your 'real' friend she would never have betrayed you in the first place, right? That's why my pool of 'real' friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand ... LOL! Besides, you already know one of them quite well.
Hola Nick! Although this incident happened earlier this year, I still get a lil' upset whenever I think about it. But am feeling much better now and you are so right... I thought she was a real true friend - it's the realization that she's not is what makes it so sad... Thanks for ur comment here! :):):)
Marzie-"They," whoever "they" is, say that forgivness is best! Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away from a toxic friendship! Sometimes the best thing you can ever do for someone is to walk away!
Trust me Barrett, I've been too forgiving all my life! It's about time I fend for myself and my feelings by holding my stand this time around. I have walked away and actually feel so much better about this "friend" now! Thanks for ur thoughts :):):)
Marzie, im so sry that you hv to go through this. It must have hurt so badly. My heart cried when i think of you being betrayed by a best friend, someone whom u trusted the most. It's one of the worst experience one could hv. I hope that this wound would be healed soon. So that when you look back on this, you wouldn't feel the pain anymore. *tight HUGZ* Love ya!
Thank u so much sweetie! Your kind words here made me all teary thinking that my new friends are actually so much kinder than the one person I thought would stick with me through thick and thin! LOVE ya and loads of HUGS for u!!!
A true friend would stick by you through thick and thin.. would never intentionally hurt you or do things that they know you don't like and vice versa.. Once someone cross that border.. once someone betray that order of things.. I say.. move on.. it's sad but sometimes reality is not always a bed of roses and even roses have thorns..
Despite forgiving, I would always remember and for me .. that is hurtful enough and so because of that.. it is better to forgive but yet move on.. coz for me.. forgetting is almost impossible.
**hugs**
Hi LJ! Thank you for this beautiful comment here! :)
I still remember the day I discovered the betrayal... I was shocked into silence! Never imagined that my "friend" could betray me, and...not the first time too. So, after that, I decided it's just best to forget her and us...for now that is. And I had to find out abt the betrayal from another person, that was yg paling sedih! Even then, I defended her.... :(
Those are the worst kind of betrayal ya GP!! The one where you can't imagine is possible..the kind that rip your heart out into pieces when you realised it's for real..
I hope you've gotten over it already and I'm sorry dearie if by commenting here have opened up old wounds.. perhaps we should move on to another post ya??
i've been betrayed once by my so-called best buddy. It cost me a painful shame. Nobody knows it except me and her.
Sorry to hear that Emila.. I hope you are over it already ya...
LJ, got over it oredi more or less, just that she was a close buddy, school fren, and we went to US together-gether some more...also a Virgo buddy, that's why I couldn't understand why she did what she did! :)
Also, I just wish she had told me, cause she had every chance to, but she did not. :(
Awwwww HUGS for u Emila! I'll never betray you okay? :)
You know who I'm referring to in this post (shhhhh) kan? And until today nothing, nada, no news, no calls, no sorry nothing! Pretending like it didn't happen. :(
Group hugs ladies!!
group hugs!
not really lah lj, what had happened that day never escaped my mind...
Emila.. I guess you'll never really forget kan??
nope, lj...
I pun takleh forget, maybe forgive can la..huhuhu..but I told this girl I forgive her.
Pssst...I secretly feel glad that she's now married and getting fatter. Jahat kan I? And now it's not a secret anymore. Lol!!
lol Debbie.. cute lah you!!
Cute ke? Hehe tq tq! :)
cute but brutal!!
haha debbie memang brutally cute!
or was it cutely brutal?
urm, my grammar is bad. either way, debbie, you are cute and brutal.
Lol!! Brutal? Wahhh..I mmg ganas skit kot. Tapi berhati lembut. Lol!!
debbie, ini gurauan je ya...jangan ambil hati ok.
Hey Marzie, thanks for sharing this with me.. it sucks to be betrayed... but it's their loss, not ours... :)
Recent blog post: Another Daymare*
Thank you for reading Ane. Your post reminded me of my tears when I wrote this post. But it was something I had to do. Hugs! :)
Hugs! :) :*
YAY! Ane, wan to chop at WOAFS or noooooot? ;)
I want i want!!!
I was just betrayed by a so called friend. I feel badly, i feel sadness, but in the end it was 100% her husbands doing. I feel proud just knowing this ended not because i was not a good friend but because the words of others were stronger than our friendship. hang tough, we all have better friends than that! the loser is the one who was wrong at the get go.
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Love n Hugs from Genie Princess!